Just Because You’re Royal Doesn’t Mean You’re Noble

Headlines that would leave most mortals mortified are just another day in the life for many royals. The Prince of Monaco got his jaw busted in a bar brawl in Manhattan’s trendy Meatpacking District. The Duchess of Cambridge (Kate) sister’s (Pippa) father-in-law (got that?) is under investigation. And the public went bonkers when Prince Charles’ tawdry telephone trysts with his mistress-now-wife Camilla turned up in all their “glory.” Even the People’s Princess (rest her soul) had some secret snogging that chagrined the globe.

But if you really want your knickers in a twist, spend some time with the young men of Scottish Royalty (AKA: “The Royal Wreckers”). Their antics could make the hair on the Queen’s corgi go curly! Sooooo . . . put on your haz-mat and let’s make some introductions:

Prince Alexander James Lachland Baird, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, next in line to become King of the Scots

OK, before we get to the “good” stuff, let’s get the yawns out of the way. Prince La Di Da of Boresville couldn’t get the paparazzi’s attention if he swung naked from a turret at Balmoral Castle. Yes, yessss, he’s a truly nice guy, and he’s getting ready to marry an American Barbie doll. Attention, please: It could be that Barbie, errrr. . . . Eleanor’s . . . potentially questionable immediate family (can anyone say punk-rock-recovering-addict dad? From FLORIDA!) may be the most balls-up the Duke has ever dared. Perhaps he’ll get his pre-marital ya-ya’s out with the Royal Wreckers before he’s thrown onto the throne. Fingers crossed!

Prince Sebastian of Scotland

Second in line to the Scottish throne, the 17-year-old spare heir (aka Seb) gets extra credit for his V-torso (he’s a lats and traps fella) and his ability to inflict collywobbles on the swoon-impaired. But his weakness for whisky and tendency to get easily legless (that means “extremely drunk” for those of you in the Yank) get him into trouble more often than not. IE: Breaking and entering, fist fights, sword fights –– all usually caught on cell phone video. Some of his lawless larks have led to actual real-life arrest. By leverage of lineage, Seb’s the leader of the “Royal Wreckers,” which include a core quintet (see below) of the very rich and the very ____________ . . .! Well, howzabout we meet them and then we can fill in that last adjective.

Andrew McGillivray

“Gilly” to friends, second son of the Duke of Argyll. Of all the Wreckers, Gilly is the richest, his family’s net worth said to rival the Royal Family’s. Only eighteen, Gilly has an appetite for expensive horses, good wine, and an assortment of “Instagram models,” whatever that means. I guess all that money helps them overlook that weak chin.

Thomas Leighton, Marquis of Sherbourne (aka “Sherbet”)

Son of the Duke of Galloway, he’s the most highly titled of the Royal Wreckers and also probably the best looking. We actually think he gives Prince Sebastian a run for his money in the Handsome Department. Those eyes! The cheekbones! Sadly, ladies, it’s well known that the marquis does not, shall we say, play for our team. He’s said to currently be dating Galen Konstantinov, son of shipping magnate Stavros Konstantinov.

The Fortescue Brothers, Stephen and Donald

If they have nicknames, we haven’t heard them, but these two brothers are always paired together, seems like, so I suppose they’re just grateful if no one calls them Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Both are the sons of the Earl of Douglas, and while they’re not twins, they’re only thirteen months apart in age. Recent additions to the Royal Wreckers, the Fortescue Brothers are the only ones who didn’t attend Gregorstoun with the prince. They’re Eton boys and proud of it.

Miles Montgomery

Interestingly enough, Miles is the lowest on our list in terms of title and wealth. He’s the son of a baronet, Sir Peregrine Montgomery, and rumor has it that the family has recently fallen on hard times financially. Not a manor home to be found in this family’s portfolio these days. But in spite of that (or maybe because of it) Miles is Prince Sebastian’s closest friend, and frequently found at the ne’er-do-well prince’s side. Most intriguingly, there were rumors he was briefly involved with Sebastian’s twin sister, Flora. Was that weird for the Gregorstoun chums? We’d have to think it’s just the slightest bit awkward.

So, readers, what’s the last adjective? __________________

Think it through and email us here at Prattle.

(Prattle, “The Royal Wreckers,” September Issue.)

Check out more Crown Town content here!

Read more about and pre-order your copy of Royals!